I don’t even remember the last time I posted, like really wrote something, instead of just telling you about a sale. It has been a very long time and who knows who is still here in this neck of the woods. So much has been going on in my life as with you, I am sure. Life happens…isn’t that what we say? I intended to write every day or at least every other day. But what happened? Time flew by and it’s 6 months later or a year later. And instead of being intentional every day, life happens. Do you think it’s easier to lose every day intentionality when you have a chronic illness? To get lost in the daily…just making it thru the day. I do.
I think I try to be intentional and then my body doesn’t agree with me so I lose another day of just barely getting thru. I drag thru the wake up, getting ready for the day time trying to get my hair combed or my clothes on without just falling back on the bed and giving up. I rarely make it awake before my kiddos now. It’s a good thing they can get their own breakfast, make their own beds, and start their day on their own. This of course is a new development as they are getting older and mom is now expecting them to do it unlike me getting up and getting them their breakfast and leading their day as it used to be. They are starting to be the leader not the follower when it comes to morning routines. I like it and I know they need it so they can be ready to go out on their own one day. Oh boy, that another post for another time! Back to being intentional….
If I am able to get some clothes on, make my bed, make myself a keurig cappuccino and some eggs and read the Bible, I feel accomplished. Do you hear that? That is a great big accomplishment right now for me. How depressing. I am still trying after 10 years of having a chronic illness to accept that. Those few things may be all I can accomplish and I am trying to wrap my head around if that is all I accomplish then how can I be intentional with my day?
Can I ever be intentional if I can’t even get past my morning routine which may not even include a shower? The word intentional means done on purpose, deliberate, planned or done by intention. Intention means the thing that you plan to do or achieve, and aim or a purpose. Okay so if I want to be intentional with my days, can I have a chronic illness and be intentional at the same time?
I read “normal” women’s posts about living intentionally, typically based around a Christian perspective. I am assuming this means waking up and spending time with God, having each minute of time planned for something specific for the day and not losing any time to just “nothing”! Basically knowing where each minute goes during the 24 hours we have to do in a day including spending quality time with hubbies and kids, getting housework, and work done in a timely matter and everything else woman can do in one day. Can I do that based on the fact that nothing can be planned with my chronic illness? I will write down my schedule in blocks of time, I will say yes to lunch dates, bible studies, kids activities, errands, grocery shopping, homeschooling, and I will plan….I will plan on purpose.
But then…..the next morning comes!
I can barely move my legs over to the side of my bed to get up. I can barely stand up straight to walk to the bathroom and then the morning routine that should take about an hour turns into three hours then my purposeful planning is all off track, delayed, and then I am trying to play catch up all day which turns into night and then another morning not knowing if I will be feeling great or feeling sore again.
This has been a rough couple of months for me. I have found that being intentional or on purpose means something different for me as someone with a chronic illness. I have had to make very specific priority list in order of what is most important in this season of my life. I have to start at number one after that three hour span of time it may take me to get ready in the morning. And lately number one may be all I can do in one day. And I have to try to accept that.
Frustrating? Yes, absolutely! But also necessary. The good new is that finally, finally, finally after 10 years with a chronic illness, I have finally figured out that I really can do nothing without my Saviour. And if waking up, rolling over and getting the Bible in front of me is all I can do for that day then that is all I can do and HE understands. If noone else understand then it really doesn’t matter. If I have to break lunch dates or can’t get the laundry done or can’t do more than read to the kids while laying on my bed then that is all I can do. HE knows that my intention is to do more but that my body said no and its okay with HIM so I need to quit trying to get others to understand and I need to quit beating myself up about it. I only need to answer to one and HE is the only one that knows every ones intention!
So if you, like me, are trying to be intentional with your days, just start with one main thing to be intentional about and that is spending time with your Eternal Father and everything will fall into place because honestly we can plan on purpose as much as we want but if it isn’t His plan then it really won’t matter anyway!
Tell me your hints for staying intentional. Do you think you can live intentionally while having a chronic illness? I would love to hear your thoughts? And if you don’t know about your Eternal Father, I would love to tell you about Him. Just leave me a comment below. I would love to see who is still visiting my corner of the blogoshpere!